The Complete Guide To Becoming A Lagos Big Boy
So you want to be a Lagos Big Boy, so all the yellow girls can fall for you like the naira notes that rain from E-money’s money gun?
Being a Lagos Big Boy is not easy o. You will need
all the packaging you can get. Because we love you, we decided to put
this guide together for you, so you can ball on a budget and trap all
the yellow girls you want. Here’s what you’d need to pass for a Lagos
Big Boy, and stop all the club bouncers from blocking you at the
entrance.
1. A sweet ride
Either a
Range Rover, G -Wagon or a Toyota Land cruiser will do. Don’t scream
just yet, we know you can’t afford them. Find one of your rich uncles to
‘run errands’ for whenever you need the car to borrow pose.
Alternatively, you can get the car keys to these cars and brandish them
everywhere you go.
2. Live on the Island.
By island, we mean,
strictly Lekki, Ikoyi or Victoria Island. Forget places like Ajah,
Badore, Epe etc. Those don’t count. You have two options: Become a
caretaker for someone who has a big beautiful house on the Island, but
lives abroad, or find friends to squat with.
3. Have an iPhone (the latest one) and a Samsung backup.
If
you’re serious about getting the ladies, you need the latest iPhone,
and an equally expensive Samsung, so they know you mean business.
4. Pop bottles in the club.
When you go
clubbing, you have to pop bottles and buy drinks for your whole table.
Yes, a table is a requirement too. How else will they know that you have
arrived? It does not matter that you will have to stay back and wash
plates in the club after, the ladies will definitely be impressed.
5. Get a killer haircut.
The kind of haircut
you have is a huge part of the Lagos Big Boy look. Forget your barber,
and be ready to sacrifice like 3k for a haircut at any of the upscale
barbing salons on the Island. Alternatively, you can ask TeeBillz who
his barber is.
6. Always have a wad of mint notes in your pocket.
It’s
all about the appearances. You don’t have to spend the notes, just
bring them out at intervals. You should also try to add foreign currency
to your stash.
7. Have more than one bank’s debit card in your wallet.
Get
a debit card from every bank possible, and arrange them neatly in your
wallet. You need to show people that you hold multiple accounts in
multiple banks so they can think you’re a baller.
8. Pink lips.
If you don’t have naturally
pink lips, your best bet is to visit ‘under bridge’ Ikeja, you’d
definitely find what you’re looking for.
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